SWEETWATER, Tenn. – A woman has been charged with possession of burglary tools after police said a crowbar slipped out of her pants as she was lurking around a church. (AP, 1/28/08)
LOS ANGELES — When the rare birds of paradise escaped from his suitcase and flew over the heads of U.S. Customs Agents at Los Angeles International Airport, Robert Cusack decided it was best to confess that, yes, he did have more to declare.
“I have monkeys in my pants,” Cusack told the agents. (Court TV, 9/19/06)
SYDNEY, Australia—A Sydney man has been charged under the country’s biodiversity conservation law after allegedly trying to smuggle parrot eggs out of Australia in his underpants. (ENS, 11/15/2004)
LOS ANGELES—The two men couldn’t wiggle out of this one–not when customs agents found snakes writhing in their pantyhose. (L.A. Times, 9/16/97)
BAYONNE, N.J.–Ace Hardware Store employees at 915 Broadway saw John Pasuco, 41, of Broadway, stuffing about $130 worth of paint brushes into the front of his pants, police said. (nj.com, 11/19/03)
LANSING, Mich – A woman stole a boa constrictor from a pet store by slipping the snake down her pants, the owner said. The animal was stolen Thursday afternoon from Preuss Animal House in Lansing.
“I am far less concerned for the person than for the snake,” owner Rick Preuss said. The 20-inch snake was worth $174.
Jayzun Boget, assistant manager of Preuss’ reptile department, called the heist “audacious.” (AP, 4/7/08)
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla.–William Napoli was almost in the clear with his purloined strip loins but the bulge in his pants did him in, authorities say. (St. Petersburg Times, 6/17/08)
SAN DIEGO – A San Diego man accused of poaching lobsters allegedly was caught with six of the creatures stuffed down his pants.
Thirty-three-year-old Binh Quang Chau, who has been cited four times for poaching, allegedly took the lobsters from the La Jolla State Marine Conservation Area.
Department of Fish and Game warden Daryl Simmons says wardens arrested Chau when they noticed “odd bulges” in his pants. All six of the newspaper-wrapped lobsters were still alive and were returned to the ocean. (AP, 10/11/08)
SAN LEANDRO, Ca.–The younger of two brothers who survived a Christmas Day tiger attack at the San Francisco Zoo has pleaded no contest to grand theft for allegedly shoplifting video game equipment from Target stores in the East Bay, authorities said today…
Dhaliwal was arrested March 27 by San Leandro police after a security guard at the Target at the Bayfair Center mall on East 14th Street saw him hiding two Nintendo Wii controllers in his pants, police Lt. Tom Overton said. (San Francisco Chronicle, 11/14/2008)
NEW ZEALAND–A German reptile collector has been fined US$5,300 for attempting to smuggle lizards out of New Zealand in his pants. Customs intercepted Jorg Kreutz, 38, trying to leave the country with two green geckos in his underwear, according to Customs Minister Phillida Bunkle. (BBC News, 2/2/2001)
LAFAYETTE, Ind. (WLFI) – A Lafayette man, Joshua Parrish, received his sentence for possessing pain killers and trying to leave a grocery store with a frozen pizza in his pants.
Parrish pleaded guilty to two counts of possession of a controlled substance and one count of theft. A judge sentenced Parrish to time served at the Tippecanoe County jail and community corrections.
Prosecutor Pat Harrington said officers found 24 pills in Parrish’s pocket that he did not have prescriptions for. He said Parrish was arrested when security at Pay Less Grocery Store witnessed Parrish stuffing a frozen pizza down his pants.
4 Comments
Hello Jincy. Years ago a friend of mine worked in a supermarket where a lady was escorted into the manager’s office to discuss her alleged theft of canned softdrinks. She was a large person, and could not take a seat upon repeated invitation to do so. It was then discovered that the stolen items were bestowed in her capacious undergarments.
Are your sure that wasn’t Sweetwater, Idaho. Yes there IS a Sweetwater, ID, but don’t drink water from that ‘crik’, it’s nasty. And crowbars are just a necessary adjunct to out common every accessories, such as keys, only more adaptable to other situations. For instance, if the car won’t start because the key is bent, use the crowbar to straighten out the key. If that doesn’t work, jam the crowbar into the keyhole and turn, and should that fail, beat the crap out of the car with the crowbar, denfinitely good therapy.
Just to give you one more quick example, sometimes the pastor of our church likes to lock the door while he works, or so he says. Kay, his wife, likes to take him his lunch. Part of his work is counseling; of course women are more likely to seek this kind of service. Kay staggers the time she takes pastors lunch to him; she is a busy woman. Sometimes 11:30 am, maybe anytime after that up till about 1:00 pm. Now if pastor has locked the door, and Kay can’t get in even after knocking, which is the usual expectation, then, Kay brings out the handy dandy crowbar and carefully must pry open the front door. If the office is also locked, Kay, who by the way has great bi-ceps from toting the tool, will again need to employ the crowbar in order to help her husband get his nourishment for the day.
Well, anyway I didn’t mean to go on for so long but I felt it necessary to ‘stick’ up for this Sweetwater person; 1. she may be a relative, and 2. her use of the crowbar was probably completely utilitarian as well as innocent.
The actor sat by the pool dangling his feet in the water and nursing a tumbler of Glenmorangie. The overpowering smell of chlorine and night jasmine pierced the September balm and floated upward toward a starless sky. The view had always brought to the actor’s mind thoughts of Fitzgerald, and much like Gatsby longing for his light, the actor’s thoughts were drawn beyond the pool, across a great expanse of lawn, to the guesthouse. Like an egg lit from within, the guesthouse radiated amber. My lover’s eyes are nothing like the sun said the actor, suddenly seized by such a sense of loneliness that tears sprang to his eyes.
The actor allowed himself to imagine making love to the writer. It had been years since he’d slept with a real person. With a woman who wasn’t a model, or an actress, or a model who wanted to be an actress. That the writer was almost entirely unattractive seemed to him a great advantage. There would be no judgement. No scrutiny of his waistline and the small, stubborn roll of fat that had so exasperated his first personal trainer she’d gone back to school to be a vet. Under the writer’s heavy lidded gaze, he might at last free himself of the ever present feeling of conspicuousness. She would see him for who he really was, the way he had been long ago, before his name was changed and his nose shortened.
The actor set the crystal tumbler on the lip of the pool and went to bed.
Is this The Actor’s way of talking about his own suspicious bulge?
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