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Interview with KUCI “Writers on Writing”

Friday, February 13, 2009

If you go to this website:

http://writersonwriting.blogspot.com/

and click on Download Audio for the interview with Amy McKinnon and me, you’ll here the interview that took place a couple of weeks ago. “Writers on Writing” is an excellent regular program, on which many great writers–Tobias Wolff, for example–have been interviewed at length. There’s a regular podcast to which you can subscribe for free. If you’re interested, check out their schedule:

http://www.kuci.org/schedule.shtml

The interviewers are sharp: they’ve actually read the books and they ask great questions.

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Machine translation arguably improving

Monday, February 2, 2009

Here’s a Google translation of this introductory passage from Winner:

Lightning sought our mother out, when she was a young girl in Brown County, Indiana. Licked her body up and down, so she said, with a long scratchy cat tongue. She smelled the ozone, which she described as indescribable. “Not a smell at all, really, but a new and horrible sensation of the nose.” We used to beg her to elaborate. She said it didn’t smell like animal, vegetable, or mineral, or anything else in the world. Then how did you know? we asked. “It had,” she tried again, “a tactile pungency. Every hair on my body stood out straight and vibrated. I wanted to drop flat on the ground but I couldn’t move. It licked me like a big cat! Girls, I was an idea in the mind of a charged cloud!”

Then the lightning dismissed her, and demolished a dying elm across the street. “You always look so disappointed,” she’d tell us, when she came to the end of the story. “You wouldn’t be here, you know, if it hadn’t let me go.” But both of us truly were a little sorry she wasn’t struck. It reflected badly on our mother, that she was tasted and found wanting. Fate had jilted her.

“Where would we be?” Abigail always asked, and Mother would answer, variously, In Heaven, In deep space, Nowhere, Who knows?, A twinkle in your father’s eye. When I was twelve, one of the last times we talked about it, I said, “Maybe we’d be an idea in the mind of a charged cloud.” Mother was terribly pleased.

When our mother was petite—in Brown County, Indiana—the lightning had hunted. She had washed the body from top to bottom, in his words, like a large cat râpeuse language. Our mother had felt the smell of ozone, which it described as indescribable. “No smell at all, in fact, but rather a new olfactory sensation, feeling terrible.” Imploring We always develop. She explained that it was neither animal nor vegetable nor mineral nor anything known on earth. So how could you know? ask us. “This smell it and took it, had a hand in both ac and tactile. All the hairs of my body were prepared and shuddered. I wanted to drop flat on the floor, but I was unable to make the slightest gesture. Lightning licked me like a big cat! Girls, I was an idea in the head in a cloud charged with electricity!”

And then the lightning had washed it and eventually destroy an elm half dead on the other side of the street. “You always look so disappointed,” it is sad when arriving at the end of history. “You know, you would not be here if it had not turned away from me.” But it was indeed true that we may regret a little every second it would not have been foudroyée. The fact of being excluded after being tasted seriously tarnishing the image of our mother. Fate was plated. “Where would we be?” Abigail always asked, to which mother responded, depending on the day: “In Heaven,” “In outer space,” “Nowhere,” “Who knows?”, “Light in the eye of your father.” One of the last time we discussed the topic—I was then twelve years—I said: “Perhaps we would gain insight into the mind of a cloud charged with electricity.” Suggestion that rather enormously mother.[from here]


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Machine-Translated Jokes!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

These, courtesy of Google Translation and http://hephaistos639.over-blog.com/article-26960987.html, are pretty fabulous, both when they work and when they don’t.  Please feel free to suggest additions, but be sure to include the original url.

 

- Un mec entre dans un bar : “bonjour, je voudrais un chwirzkitchuidrutec à la menthe” et le barman “Vous voulez un chwirzkitchuidrutec à quoi ?”

Automatic translation: - A man enters a bar: “Hello, I’d like a chwirzkitchuidrutec with mint” and the bartender “You want a chwirzkitchuidrutec what?”

 Qui a inventé la cédille ? Monsieur Groçon

 Who invented the cedilla?  Mr.  Groçon

 Pourquoi les éléphants sont gros, gris et frippés ? Parce que s’ils étaient petits, blancs et lisse, ça serrait de l’aspirine.

Why are elephants big, gray and frippés? Because they were small, white and smoth, it shook the aspirin.

 Pourquoi le schtroumpf à lunettes at-il été emprisonné pendant deux ans ? Parce qu’il a schtroumpfé.

 
Why smurf glasses he was imprisoned for two years Because it has schtroumpfé.

 ”Papa, papa, c’est vrai que j’ai une grande bouche?” “Mais non !! Prend ta pelle et mange ta soupe.”

“Dad, Dad, it’s true that I have a big mouth?”- “But no! Takes ta ta scoop and eat soup.”

 Qu’est ce qui traverse la foret la nuit et qui est transparent ? Un troupeau de vitre

What runs through the forest at night and that is transparent?  A flock of glass.

C’est l’histoire d’un homme qui rentre dans un café. Plouf !

- It is the story of a man who enters a café.     Plouf !

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Online Writing Workshops Ready for Signup

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

If you are interested in taking an online fiction writing workshop with me, please click on the Fiction Workshops link to the right, and you’ll see how to sign up for either group or individual workshops.  My fees at this time are quite low, because we’re all trying to keep our heads above water financially.  In the future–assuming that we dig ourselves out of the present economic mess–these fees will go up significantly, except for those writers with whom I am already working. 

I’m offering individual, one-on-one workshops and also group workshops.   In order for a group workshop to run, I must have a minimum of four people per group.  I can run no more than two 4-to-6 member workshops per week, so if you’re interested in signing up, keep in mind that you may have to wait a month or so to begin. 

Right now, I’m not asking for samples of your work ahead of time.  These workshops are open to all, ranging from people with writing experience–and even publication experience–to people who have yet to write a piece of fiction.  In the future, I may divide group workshops into novice groups and more experienced groups, but at the moment I don’t think this is necessary. 

Please note that any comments you put on my website are always forwarded to my email inbox (some of you have expressed bewilderment about how to get in touch with me–that’s the easiest way to do it).  If you’d rather write directly–and if you want to talk about what I mean by “single submission” and “revisions,” and whether my workshops fit your needs, just write to me at jincyk@gmail.com, and I’ll get back to you.

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A New Time-Wasting Game

Saturday, January 3, 2009

is waiting for players.  Click on the link to the right entitled The Agony of the Feet.  If you don’t remember what “dactylic” means, look it up.

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Coming Soon: Online Fiction Workshop from the Author of The Writing Class

Monday, December 15, 2008

I’m seriously thinking of starting up an online fiction workshop in January 2009.   Plans so far:

1.  Submissions will be fiction only–prose, not poetry.

2.  Submissions will include short stories, novel chapters, fragments of longer works.

3.  Right now, I’m not planning to screen for level of sophistication, experience, talent, etc.  Come one, come all.  This strategy has always worked quite well for me in in-person workshops.

4.  In the future, I may offer more real-time workshops, probably involving a chat room setup rather than one involving speech.  Writers are generally comfortable typing and reading; we’d just do this in a virtual room, during scheduled hours.

5.  When a virtual workshop gets underway, students will read and critique one another’s work, which is what happens in actual workshops.  I’ll moderate, and will, of course, be critiquing extensively also.

6.  Before I get a workshop going, though, I’ll deal with submissions personally, through emails; and even after I set up virtual workshops, I’ll continue offering this personal service, for writers who aren’t interested in workshops.

7. I’ll probably use PayPal, since this is apparently the easiest way to set up payment of fees.  I’ll charge so much per document, with a page limit, of course (probably 20 or so double-spaced per doc). 

8.  For workshops, I’ll probably charge per Workshop (where the writer commits to, say, a six-week period, and can submit a maximum of, say, 10 documents during that period) instead of per document.

9.  I have no idea right now what the charge will be, but it will be reasonable, given that we’re all now officially broke. 

10. Perhaps later this month I’ll ask for a guinea pig or two or three: a couple of souls willing to submit work (original, of course).  Drawbacks: You’ll be helping me iron out the kinks in the system; I won’t know what I’m doing, re the workshop software, etc., and I need to practice.  Advantages: When it comes to critiquing fiction, I do know what I’m doing, and for these guinea pigs, I’ll be doing it for free.  Offer ends when the Workshop business gets underway.

11.  Any suggestions welcome.  Has anyone actually taken an online workshop?  Do my ideas seem sound?  Let me know.

 

ATTENTION: GUINEA PIG WORKSHOP IS NOW FULL (12/27/2008).  We should get underway in a week or so. If everything works out, I plan to begin offering for-pay workshops (both group and individual) in late January or early February 2009.

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Unintriguing Headlines

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Here’s a new list.  These must be substantiated.

 

Bullies May Get Kick Out of Seeing Others in Pain

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27592980/

Portuguese sausage sighted in North County

http://www.nctimes.com/articles/2008/08/20/food/groch/z8756df8b2ffbd441882574ab0001abe5.txt

 

 

 

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The Onion Does It Again

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Just as theirs was the most appropriate response to 9/11 (sadly, no trace of that brilliant headline remains on the web), they wrote the best 11/4 headline (and article):

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/kobe_bryant_scores_25_in_holy_shit

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Most Intriguing Opening Paragraphs of Real News Stories Involving People Stuffing Things in Their Pants

Sunday, October 12, 2008

SWEETWATER, Tenn. – A woman has been charged with possession of burglary tools after police said a crowbar slipped out of her pants as she was lurking around a church. (AP, 1/28/08)

LOS ANGELES — When the rare birds of paradise escaped from his suitcase and flew over the heads of U.S. Customs Agents at Los Angeles International Airport, Robert Cusack decided it was best to confess that, yes, he did have more to declare.

“I have monkeys in my pants,” Cusack told the agents. (Court TV, 9/19/06)

SYDNEY, Australia—A Sydney man has been charged under the country’s biodiversity conservation law after allegedly trying to smuggle parrot eggs out of Australia in his underpants. (ENS, 11/15/2004)

LOS ANGELES—The two men couldn’t wiggle out of this one–not when customs agents found snakes writhing in their pantyhose. (L.A. Times, 9/16/97)

BAYONNE, N.J.–Ace Hardware Store employees at 915 Broadway saw John Pasuco, 41, of Broadway, stuffing about $130 worth of paint brushes into the front of his pants, police said. (nj.com, 11/19/03)

LANSING, Mich – A woman stole a boa constrictor from a pet store by slipping the snake down her pants, the owner said. The animal was stolen Thursday afternoon from Preuss Animal House in Lansing.

“I am far less concerned for the person than for the snake,” owner Rick Preuss said. The 20-inch snake was worth $174.

Jayzun Boget, assistant manager of Preuss’ reptile department, called the heist “audacious.” (AP, 4/7/08)

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla.–William Napoli was almost in the clear with his purloined strip loins but the bulge in his pants did him in, authorities say. (St. Petersburg Times, 6/17/08)

SAN DIEGO – A San Diego man accused of poaching lobsters allegedly was caught with six of the creatures stuffed down his pants.

Thirty-three-year-old Binh Quang Chau, who has been cited four times for poaching, allegedly took the lobsters from the La Jolla State Marine Conservation Area.

Department of Fish and Game warden Daryl Simmons says wardens arrested Chau when they noticed “odd bulges” in his pants. All six of the newspaper-wrapped lobsters were still alive and were returned to the ocean. (AP, 10/11/08)

SAN LEANDRO, Ca.–The younger of two brothers who survived a Christmas Day tiger attack at the San Francisco Zoo has pleaded no contest to grand theft for allegedly shoplifting video game equipment from Target stores in the East Bay, authorities said today…

Dhaliwal was arrested March 27 by San Leandro police after a security guard at the Target at the Bayfair Center mall on East 14th Street saw him hiding two Nintendo Wii controllers in his pants, police Lt. Tom Overton said. (San Francisco Chronicle, 11/14/2008)

NEW ZEALAND–A German reptile collector has been fined US$5,300 for attempting to smuggle lizards out of New Zealand in his pants.   Customs intercepted Jorg Kreutz, 38, trying to leave the country with two green geckos in his underwear, according to Customs Minister Phillida Bunkle. (BBC News, 2/2/2001)

LAFAYETTE, Ind. (WLFI) – A Lafayette man, Joshua Parrish, received his sentence for possessing pain killers and trying to leave a grocery store with a frozen pizza in his pants.

Parrish pleaded guilty to two counts of possession of a controlled substance and one count of theft. A judge sentenced Parrish to time served at the Tippecanoe County jail and community corrections.

Prosecutor Pat Harrington said officers found 24 pills in Parrish’s pocket that he did not have prescriptions for. He said Parrish was arrested when security at Pay Less Grocery Store witnessed Parrish stuffing a frozen pizza down his pants.

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My First Name

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

is not my exclusive property, but over the course of six decades one gets used to being the only Jincy.  The name is apparently Southern in origin, and was at one time a nickname for both Virginia and Jane, which nickname never caught fire, and so faded from use.  I am the Last of My Kind, solitary and windswept, or so I thought, until tripping across

http://biography.jrank.org/pages/337/Regan-Dian-Curtis-1950.html

Dian Curtis Regan, a prolific author of children’s books, was born a few years after I was, growing up in the shadow of the North American Aerospace Defense Command in Colorado.  She writes:

I would be remiss not to mention my “familiar,” the walrus. It all started with a story I wrote several decades ago about an outspoken walrus named Jincy. A few friends read the story and gave me stuffed walruses. After that, I started planting the word “walrus” in every book. Readers began writing to tell me where they’d spotted the word. Through the years, walruses have appeared beneath my Christmas tree, inside birthday gifts, collected as souvenirs on trips, and as gifts from schools. Sadly, I have yet to receive a walrus with red hair.

To date, I have over one hundred walruses in my office. Ironically, Jincy’s story has never been published, yet she and her exquisitely polished tusks have obviously brought me very good luck.

This is what happens when you fool around with Google for no damn good reason. It turns out that in an alternative universe, I am unpublished, with exquisitely polished tusks.  In this one, I prefer to remain solitary and windswept, but now I have these tusks, which I can’t stop imagining, and the good fortune they bring, it seems, is not my own.

Are there any more of us, fictional or non?  What have we done or left undone?  Apparently there’s a herd.  Where are you all?  Bring on the Jincys!

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