Machine-Translated Jokes!

These, courtesy of Google Translation and, are pretty fabulous, both when they work and when they don’t.   Please feel free to suggest additions, but be sure to include the original url.


– Un mec entre dans un bar : “bonjour, je voudrais un chwirzkitchuidrutec à la menthe” et le barman “Vous voulez un chwirzkitchuidrutec à quoi ?”

Automatic translation: – A man enters a bar: “Hello, I’d like a chwirzkitchuidrutec with mint” and the bartender “You want a chwirzkitchuidrutec what?”

 Qui a inventé la cédille ? Monsieur Groçon

 Who invented the cedilla?   Mr.  Groçon

 Pourquoi les éléphants sont gros, gris et frippés ? Parce que s’ils étaient petits, blancs et lisse, ça serrait de l’aspirine.

Why are elephants big, gray and frippés? Because they were small, white and smoth, it shook the aspirin.

 Pourquoi le schtroumpf à lunettes at-il été emprisonné pendant deux ans ? Parce qu’il a schtroumpfé.

Why smurf glasses he was imprisoned for two years  Because it has  schtroumpfé.

 “Papa, papa, c’est vrai que j’ai une grande bouche?” “Mais non !! Prend ta pelle et mange ta soupe.”

“Dad, Dad, it’s true that I have a big mouth?”– “But no! Takes ta ta scoop and eat soup.”

 Qu’est ce qui traverse la foret la nuit et qui est transparent ? Un troupeau de vitre

What runs through the forest at night and that is transparent?   A flock of glass.

C’est l’histoire d’un homme qui rentre dans un café. Plouf !

– It is the story of a man who enters a café.         Plouf !

Online Writing Workshops Ready for Signup

If you are interested in taking an online fiction writing workshop with me, please  click on the Fiction Workshops link to the right, and you’ll see how to sign up for  either group or individual workshops.   My fees at this time are quite low, because we’re all trying to keep our heads above water financially.   In the future–assuming that we dig ourselves out of the present economic mess–these fees will go up significantly, except for those writers with whom I am already working.  

I’m offering individual, one-on-one workshops and also group workshops.     In order for a group workshop to run, I must have a minimum of four people per group.   I can run no more than two 4-to-6 member workshops per week, so if you’re interested in signing up, keep in mind that you may have to wait a month or so to begin.  

Right now, I’m not asking for samples of your work ahead of time.   These workshops are open to all, ranging from people with writing experience–and even publication experience–to people who have yet to write a piece of fiction.   In the future, I may divide group workshops into novice groups and more experienced groups, but at the moment I don’t think this is necessary.  

Please note that any comments you put on my website are always forwarded to my email inbox (some of you have expressed bewilderment about how to get in touch with me–that’s the easiest way to do it).   If you’d rather write directly–and if you want to talk about what I mean by “single submission” and “revisions,” and whether my workshops fit your needs, just write to me at, and I’ll get back to you.

A New Time-Wasting Game

is waiting for players.   Click on the link to the right entitled The Agony of the Feet.   If you don’t remember what “dactylic” means, look it up.