What does this mean?

Readers are invited to explain selected sentences from current news stories.   You can be creative if you want, but I wouldn’t mind a straightforward explanation.   Also feel free to suggest other puzzlers.   (No politics, please: the focus is language.)

From WRCB-TV in Chattanooga:

 …”We have the three climbers..all are mobile..no one is ambulatory.”

 Four guesses from Justkristin:

“We have found three [of the missing mountain] climbers” . “all [three] are able to move” . “no one requires an ambulance”
“We have found three [of the missing mountain] climbers” . “All [three] can move” . “[but] no one can [actually] walk”
“We have three vines…all of them are able to move about of their own will…none of us are able to walk anymore.”
“We have three people with us who eagerly grasp any opportunity to move up in the world…all of them have cell phones…they all stay put in their office or cubicle chairs and never walk about.”

My own guess:

“We have three climbers…all can be moved [i.e., in a stretcher or something]…not one can move on his own.”

 From Garrett Nichols:

We have three children who are beginning to climb out of their cribs … all love their Winnie the Pooh mobiles … not one of them has yet earned their ambulance certification.

 From Christopher Allen:

German-influenced translation:   We’ve got all three of them! They can furnish, but they aren’t yet outpatients.

Why isn’t this kitsch?

If you go to the Talaria Museum Store at  https://www.museumize.com/pages/search-results?q=bosch%20figurines&page_num=3, you’ll discover that it’s actually (probably) within your means to own a Hieronymus Bosch Garden of Earthly Delights action figure, such as

 Tree Man Figurine

 This is the one I picked for myself, and it makes me inordinately happy, although lately I’ve been keeping in the trunk of my car.   Question: why is this a good thing, while a replica of a great sculpture is not?   What’s different about turning a two-dimensional detail into a solid object you can hold in your hand, view from all angles, and then bury in the trunk of your car?   Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that it is different, and that everyone should own a Hieronymus Bosch action figure, or know someone who does.

Note: The thing on his head isn’t a human heart–it’s an undressed bagpipe.