Coming to a bookstore near you, August 2022

posted in Not only that on May 2, 2022 by Jincy 0 Comment

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Interview with Rebecca Byrkit, March 2021

posted in Interviews on November 1, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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What’s your bank password?

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes, Uncategorized on October 7, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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What's the password to your bank account?

Page 1 of 6

The last thing you ate was

loquat pan dowdy a handful of rancid pistachios I can't remember it's been days none of your damn business you soulless creep

Page 2 of 6

The first thing you ever shoplifted was

a rack of lamb a tube of industrial strength lip balm a can of haggis a bottle of sparkling yogurito a box of Merlot

Page 3 of 6

Add your mother's maiden name to your favorite nonsense word and find out your stripper name! It's

Ricketts McDiGittY Kowalcimi Basset-Lavage Zapata Hahahahahaha Cinnamon Bombe

Page 4 of 6

Your favorite Halloween candy is

Blow Pops AbbaZabba Mounds Pixy-Stix Wax Lips

Page 5 of 6

What was your first car?

An Edsel A Pinto A 1974 Vega A Conestoga A Gremlin

Page 6 of 6

The top song on the day you were wed was

I Feel Good All Over Runaway Let's Roll If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now Achy Breaky Arm

Just how moral are you?

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes on October 4, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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On the morality scale, you are

Page 1 of 5

Your first bad deed in childhood was

spitting out a communion wafer spitting out your great-aunt's radish aspic stealing your great-aunt's amethyst brooch stealing your great-aunt's breath

Page 2 of 5

In your opinion, the most obscene hand gesture is

the thumbs-up in Argentina the cutis in Pakistan the moutza in Athens the fig in Indonesia

Page 3 of 5

Despite all that is holy, you cannot help admiring

Marco Rubio Wilford Brimley Boris Johnson Benny Hill your navel

Page 4 of 5

When you glance at a blobfish, you automatically think of

The Supreme Court Marco Rubio that time you “accidentally” spilled the beans about your sister’s mad crush on Harvey Kinkle from Sabrina the Teenage Witch the inevitability of death

Page 5 of 5

You would sell your soul for just one night with

Kellyanne Conway Moms Mabley The Red Army Choir Marco Rubio out this terrible itching

To whom were you married in your past life?

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes on October 1, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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Long, long ago, you were married to...

Page 1 of 6

My idea of a romantic evening is

lolling with my sweetie in front of a roaring fire sharing one strand of spaghetti in a dark alley allogrooming in a loveseat horsing around in a gazebo handholding while bingeing on Blackadder

Page 2 of 6

My favorite hobby is

baton twirling bus spotting herping larping gongoozling

Page 3 of 6

My lifelong dream is

to own my own yurt to bring peace to all the nations of the earth to invent a more attractive face-mounted nose stylus to get through one goddamn day without dealing with that goddamn Maurice LaTouche

Page 4 of 6

I have a secret crush on

the pool guy Rosemary DeCamp The Tick Greta Van Sustern

Page 5 of 6

Nobody knows I'm

alive here desperate for a fix jonesing for an amuse-bouche hopelessly devoted to you

Page 6 of 6

In fact, right now I'm

having a gas attack pining for the fjords bored out of my freaking skull polishing my memoirs polishing my rocket launcher

How sexually experienced are you, really?

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes on October 1, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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Are you a true erotic adept?

Page 1 of 5

The most life-changing invention of the 21st century is

McUndies The like-fueled algorithm The two-in-one door and ping-pong table Chemtrail Mix The face nozzle

Page 2 of 5

My all-time favorite breakfast cereal is

Mocha Wasabi Special K Honey Bunches of Nuts Cocoa Locoa Vegan Pops Buckwheat-Blown Waffle Charms

Page 3 of 5

My favorite dirty book is

The Lust Boat Your Book Title Here Space Raptor Butt Invasion Here Is My Body, Get Over It Ravished by the Triceratops

Page 4 of 5

Who said "Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog & will do it again--just watch. He can do much better!"

Snidely Whiplash Moonbeam McSwine Mortimer Snerd Arnie "Asshat" McAdoo The 45th President of the United States

Page 5 of 5

Nobody knows that in my most secret dreams I'm a

phlebotomist philatelist physiatrist philologist phonograph-cartridge assembler

Where the hell are your car keys?

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes on October 1, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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Seriously you've lost them again

Page 1 of 4

What is this?

a closet flange a torque nut a catspaw pivot basin lag a butterfly strap hinge

Page 2 of 4

My most treasured childhood doll was

Poor Pitiful Pearl Madame Alexander Rodriguez Titus the Tantrum Tyke McMurdo Sound Barbie

Page 3 of 4

If I were a rash, I'd be

contact dermatitis pityriasis rosea scabies shingles flammulated mange

Page 4 of 4

My catchphrase is

Another day, another vertebra. What are you gonna do? Kill me now. Kiss my foot.

What obscure body part are you

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes on October 1, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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If you were a body part, what would you be?

Page 1 of 4

A really cute guy/girl asks you out!!! You

call the police tell him/her you're old enough to be his/her grandmother/grandfather ask him/her what kind of girl/guy does he/she think you are? say "sure" and then prank him so that he shows up at the wrong address and gets clocked by your crazy Uncle Delbert wake up sneer, say "Good one!" and walk away, your heart shattering into jagged shards

Page 2 of 4

It's third period and you're late for Mrs. Armbruster's geometry test. You rush into class, grab a test sheet, and head for your desk. You notice that everyone is pointing at you and laughing, Then you realize you aren't wearing any pants. You

bolt for the door, covering your ass with the test sheet vomit wake up in bed wake up on the classroom floor, half-naked and covered with vomit pass the test with flying colors secretly enjoy yourself

Page 3 of 4

You awaken from a terrible nightmare, the details of which are instantly lost to you. You are drenched in cold sweat and have an overwhelming thirst. Blindly, you grope your way to the bathroom. You turn on the light, and there, in the mirror over the sink, is a sight that stops your breath. It's

a death threat written in lip gloss tiny speckles of toothpaste that spell out 666 your face, aged fifty years your actual face right this minute a post-it with a smiley face the spitting image of Cthulu

Page 4 of 4

Your favorite fashion color is

salmon trout bone concrete blancmange sperm

What’s your IQ?

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes on September 30, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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How smart are you?

Page 1 of 5

The most embarrassing word in English is

besom bosom buxom bosun penis

Page 2 of 5

My spirit animal is

the axolotl the potto the red-lipped batfish the lamprey the hall monitor

Page 3 of 5

Nobody knows that I'm secretly

discreet nonplussed taciturn reticent Brian Boitano

Page 4 of 5

My favorite TV personality is

Jo Ann Pflug Scott Bakula Denver Pyle Vivian Vance Bingo the Chimp

Page 5 of 5

What do the number 16, 25, and 36 have in common?

They all have two digits They are all under 37 They are all over 15 They are boring All of the above

What Irrationally Scares the Crap Out of You?

posted in Pointless, Algorithm-Free Quizzes on September 30, 2021 by Jincy 0 Comment

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What's Your Phobia?

Page 1 of 6

Your favorite section of the newspaper is

the funnies the obits the classifieds the op-eds coupons

Page 2 of 6

If you have to die accidentally, you'd prefer to

stumble and sprawl in front of a tram electrocute yourself in a set tub choke on a cube of raw wagyu crunch down on a blowfish ovary pass out from sunstroke while gardening in Ecuador and be devoured by army ants

Page 3 of 6

You are mildly afraid of

spiders snakes the ocean the sun the air

Page 4 of 6

Which apocalyptic event are you expecting in your lifetime?

asteroid catastrophe perfect hyperstorm solar wink-out series of earthquakes opens up a huge crack neatly bisecting the globe worldwide coordinated attack of army ants

Page 5 of 6

Nobody believes you when you tell them there's

a strangler under your bed a vampire in your chiffarobe a grinning skull in your microwave a specter in your gazebo a zombie in your hot tub

Page 6 of 6

Your favorite end-of-the-world movie is

Armageddon Apocalypse Now Attack of the Killer Tomatoes The Day After The Last Airbender

← Older posts

Jincy Willett

I Would Not Burn the Library of Alexandria For You

Coming to a bookstore near you, August 2022

Interview with Rebecca Byrkit, March 2021

What’s your bank password?

What's the password to your bank account?

Just how moral are you?

On the morality scale, you are

To whom were you married in your past life?

Long, long ago, you were married to...

How sexually experienced are you, really?

Are you a true erotic adept?

Where the hell are your car keys?

Seriously you've lost them again

What obscure body part are you

If you were a body part, what would you be?

What’s your IQ?

How smart are you?

What Irrationally Scares the Crap Out of You?

What's Your Phobia?