Won’t Nobody Help a Naked Man?

Woman says she is moving away from midtown Sacramento after naked man breaks in

Naked, drunk Florida man found passed out in grassy intersection, punches cop who woke him up

Partially  nude man arrested after exposing himself in Wyandotte

Naked man in Seattle JCPenney causes chaotic scene; police speak out

GPD: Naked man arrested in alleged obstruction of garbage collection

Lauderhill Police: Naked man appearing to pleasure self in someone’s backyard

150 minutes on Ohio’s bathroom bill: Naked fat ‘man’ in locker room, other ‘perverts’

Naked Man On Scooter Taken Into Custody

Butt naked man causes complete chaos in Dallas Airport

Naked man arrested, on mushrooms claimed to be ‘an expert in magic’

Naked man in Palm Beach says he’s from a different earth: Police

 

Report: Naked Pace man attacks multiple people with hammer

 

Naked Man Perched In Shorewood Apartment Jumps, Swarmed By Police

Naked man accused in deadly Broward County crime spree makes first court appearance

Neighbors react to news of naked man shot, killed after attacking Lizella woman on lawnmower

Naked couple arrested on Rutledge Highway

Naked Man Running in Traffic Pleads No Contest to Meth Possession

2 Officers Hurt after Call for Naked Man in Hotel Lobby

Man Tells Police He Stabbed Naked Man Who Attacked him in the Street in Fort Worth

 

Police arrest naked man stretching, looking at glass reflection in front of businesses

Tulsa Police Arrest Naked Man They Say Hit Woman At Apartment Complex

Police: Naked man steals ambulance, crashes in Greer

Naked man went on rampage armed with ‘for sale’ sign as weapon and kicked cop in the head

Barely Any Details as Little Egg Harbor, NJ, Police Seek Naked Man

Naked man found shining laser beam at police helicopter he thought was UFO

 

Just a few (seriously) naked man headlines from September-October 2021:

 

Pawtucket man fights off catalytic converter thief naked

Police seek naked man seen walking around Catonsville senior facility

Naked man with spear shot by deputy in Monroe County

Naked man arrested after allegedly lighting motorhome on fire, running from police

DU issues alert for naked man near Gamma Phi Beta

Naked man found wandering streets in Vero Beach, claimed he saw snakes

 

Half-naked man sought in connection with alleged flag theft

 

Naked NYC man repeatedly spotted strutting his stuff

 

Naked man arrested after dancing in Lansing streets

Body-cam video shows Phoenix officers detaining naked man before dying in custody *

Totally naked man spotted at bar and netizens have ‘so many’ questions

Naked man runs past ‘Today’ show live on-air, forcing abrupt cut to commercial

*One assumes “before dying in custody” is a misplaced modifier

 

With the (current) waning of the pandemic comes an uptick in, among other things, Naked Man news.  There were so many stories in May that I’ve had to pick and choose.  What does this mean?

Buck naked: nude sunbathers fleeing deer fined for breaking Sydney lockdown

Naked man dives on tarp, crawls through tarp tube during Nats rain delay

Deltona man accused of breaking into woman’s home naked

Naked man in custody after barricading himself in car on highway in Glynn County

Naked man allegedly argued with customers in the basement, claimed people were trying to fight him

Naked Man Refuses To Leave Ocean At San Clemente Pier

Ramsgate mum’s shock at finding naked man in her hallway during early hours of morning

Shock as ‘completely naked’ Scotsman arrested walking down busy road in beauty spot

Naked man in beanie seen prowling outside Carlisle student homes ‘looking through windows’

Naked man ‘danced in front of shop window’ then ran off

Naked man was on train in Lancaster in nothing but shoes

Naked man driving stolen JSO cruiser crashes into woods on I-10

I’ve been remiss; haven’t done this for almost a year.  Here are the Naked Man headlines (curated) for the past month.  I don’t know why somebody doesn’t do a book about this.

Naked man accused of lunging at person inside bathroom in Fairfax County, police say

Naked man attempts to put out house fire in Cave Creek

Police Arrest Naked Man With Knife Running On Route 4: PD

Naked Florida man covered in mud bites K-9′s ear, deputies say

Nearly-naked man flees hospital, arms himself with shovel and terrorizes West Hills neighborhood

Half-naked man flees police from Akron Metro Transit Center

Naked Man Jumps from Moving Truck, Seriously Injured, in Wilton

Naked man who entered Prescott bar is caught

 

Naked Man Runs Amok, Slashes Approaching Policeman With Knife In Incident Caught On Camera

 

Ax Wielding Naked Man Damages Annapolis Home 

Police: Naked Man Runs Around McKeesport Building Before Running Into Wall, Causing Giant Hole

 

Naked man was surrounded by a parking lot full of Black Friday shoppers, NC cops say

Police: Surveillance Video Catches Naked Man Pulling On Doors Of Businesses In Plumstead Township

 

Naked man breaks into an Orange Mound family’s home

 

Naked man goes on drug-fueled home invasion spree in Arvada, police say

 

Naked man who fled after being found in bed with other man’s fiancee feared hypothermia

 

———————————————————————————————–

Police subdue naked man after Mashpee stabbing incident

Naked man arrested after being found inside Pepsi truck with numerous empty bottles

Naked man arrested for allegedly stealing, crashing pickup in Imperial

Naked man gives town exposure

Report describes fatal police encounter with a naked man performing yoga poses in Phoenix street

Naked man spotted running around La Grange leads police on chase

Naked man wearing sports bra linked to car burglaries, deputies say

Naked man arrested for breaking into Ottawa Co. homes, assault

Naked man arrested in Woodbridge bus terminal

A man broke into a house, showered — then sat naked on the porch to wait, Fla. cops say

Naked Missouri Man Says “Good Morning” to Neighbor, Steals Truck, Flips it

MPD arrest naked man for obscenity, trespassing

Naked Man Tells La Crosse Police He’s On ‘Tons And Tons And Tons And Tons And Tons Of Acid’

———————————————————————————————————————————–

Blake Lively Got Trolled by Ryan Reynolds for Posing With a Naked Man

‘Gyrating’ naked man arrested after scared off by Florida grandma

LMPD: Naked man runs from police, bites EMS worker

‘That’s not my cat.’ Grandma uses false teeth to scare naked man off her porch.

 

Naked man outside Florida Chick-fil-A arrested for trying to fight passersby

Clearwater super boat race stopped by naked, drunk, disorderly man in water, deputies say

Naked man filmed ‘in sex act with blow-up doll’ on M1 hard shoulder

Charge: Naked man in park was ‘just in the woods masturbating, minding my own business’

Naked man on nature trail tells police he was sunbathing

Naked man urinates on officers during arrest in Camden County

Screaming naked man arrested for throwing rocks at police car

Naked man squirts his hose at cops while on school roof

Naked man armed with a gun wounded by police at church

Naked man storms courtroom and lies down in front of coroner

Naked man carrying hatchet gives Chanhassen jogger a fright

Post-Inaugural Naked Man Special

Naked Man Tased by Fresno Police Officer

Police investigate after shocked locals ‘find naked man in street after he jumped out a car boot’ in Edinburgh

NAKED MAN DROVE STOLEN CAB THROUGH PHILADELPHIA PARK, POLICE SAY

 

Antioch police: ‘Nearly naked man’ running outside leads to hazmat alert

Melbourne man gets naked to protest lack of privacy

‘Drunk man who strips naked and steals taxi’ gets caught on camera as he joyrides it through crowd

IMPD officer tackles belligerent, naked man allegedly high on ‘wax’

Collier County deputies say naked man climbed atop building, tried to hide

Naked man claims God told him to run in Baldwin Park

Malaysian man roams apartment block naked, claims ‘Goddess Mazu’ summoned him to do so

Tallahassee pastor gets caught sleeping with man’s wife, flees naked

Florida Man Has Best Excuse Ever For Being Naked At Car Wash

‘Butt naked’ man runs at woman jogger on Riverwalk

Deputies detain naked man in Fort Gratiot

Naked man arrested after crashing car into house, punching trooper, telling cops he’s Jesus

A toilet tank, a naked man, tasers – charges filed in 2013 case

(HAMILTON – Nearly four years ago, John N. Miller of Missoula allegedly threatened to strike two officers with a toilet tank while nude. He was formally charged in that case this week…The case dates back to March 2013 when sheriff’s deputies were called to an apartment in Stevensville at 2:16 a.m. for a reported disturbance. The first officer on the scene looked into the apartment and saw Miller running around naked inside, according to an affidavit. The officers could see broken items scattered about the apartment, a refrigerator turned on its side and a broken window and door…The affidavit said he eventually “burst from the bathroom” holding a porcelain tank of a toilet above his head. Believing Miller meant to hit them with it, the officers deployed their tasers several times to subdue the man. Miller continued to resist after being handcuffed. His loud statements did not make sense to the officers.)

Naked man wearing a Santa Hat spotted jogging in Cambridgeshire village

Half-naked man’s luge joyride down Kaimai Ranges not illegal, say police – just ‘very unwise’

Archives:

Clairemont woman finds naked intruder in her bed

SAN DIEGO – A 25-year-old man was arrested early Thursday in Clairemont after police said he went into a neighbor’s home, took off his clothes and got into her bed.

The woman returned about 12:30 a.m. to her home on Clairemont Mesa Boulevard near Limerick Avenue where she found the naked intruder and called authorities, San Diego police said.

Officers arrived and took the tattooed man into custody.

He told officers that he heard a noise at the woman’s residence, went inside to investigate and then got naked and into bed to wait for her because “he did not want to startle her, “ police said.

He was arrested on prowling charges, authorities said.   (San Diego Union Tribune, 8/9/2012)

 

Okay, from now on, Headlines Only. The most recent are at the top (it’s November, 2015). The Higbee mayor naked broom attack story is well worth a look.  Also, Arab is in Alabama. Also, and take my word for it, if you troll Google News for “naked woman,” you get nothing like this list. Apparently women don’t like to goof around naked in public.  Except in Alaska.

Naked man climbs on top of Metro bus in West Hollywood

Deputies: Naked Florida man breaks into home with pants on arms

Naked man in Stuart says he’s no exhibitionist

Naked man says he was looking for a wife at Mormon temple

Naked man found in Hiawatha now accused of killing mother

Naked man Tasered by police after attacking parked cars in the street

Naked man takes a walk in the mall

Trailcam Captured Naked Man on LSD Who Believed He was Siberian Tiger

Officers respond to screaming, naked man at reservoir in Washington Co.

Naked man climbed onto moving van and threw bricks before suffering heart attack, inquest heard

Naked man causes ruckus in Hanover neighborhood

Officers Catch Up to Naked Man Wandering Eureka After He Stops to Pet a Dog

Naked man breaks in home, bites resident, then dies

Naked man does bizarre pole dance complete with karate kicks after cops handcuff him to a lamppost

Naked man approached woman, son at Horseneck Beach in Westport

Bananas, eggs and a pair of naked men: online stir after nude photos at scenic Chinese temple go viral

Naked man arrested for hitting neighbor’s house with shovel

Two women approached by naked man in parking garage at Plaza Art Fair 

Naked man interrupts Maryland student’s workout

Naked man defecated on doorstep of Iowa City home

Naked man found standing on his head on East 7th Street

Man Strips Naked, Exposes Anus To Construction Worker

Man takes naked ‘fun run’ in yard

Man strips naked in airport departure lounge and dances in front of bemused travellers

Naked man storms in-law’s home to reclaim his ‘arrested’ wife

VIDEO: Naked man dances, takes selfies with petrol attendant

Naked man arrested in Schaghticoke, kicks hole in police barracks wall

State police looking for naked man who shouted ‘Jesus is coming’

Woman says naked man approached her on Newport News trail

Naked Man Accused of Breaking into East Wenatchee Homes Arrested

Man runs into Tenn. school half naked, thinks fire alarm contains smurfs

Naked man causes stir during rush hour in Roanoke

Naked man ding-dong-ditches police officer, caught on video*

Naked man raided B-Town International Market sauce aisle

Naked Man Watering Lawn Arrested After Allegedly Throwing Knife, Beer Bottles at Fresno County Deputies

Naked man lies down in the road, stops traffic in Orange

Naked man who ‘bear-hugged’ officer, grabbed her Taser sentenced to state mental hospital

Streaker drank nine pints, got naked, then ran through women’s rights march

Naked Russian Man Asks to Share Mausoleum With Lenin

Naked man caught performing sex act on himself in Carmarthen housing estate
Naked man marches with veterans

Police Arrest Naked Man Running Through Hotel Parking Lot

Dublin: Woman says she might have seen a naked man

Lamar deputies have their hands full with naked man on acid

Naked man jumps from B.C, ferry, later arrested ‘soaked, incoherent’

Naked man puts Xbox in oven, starts apartment fire, attacks police officers

Pantless woman and naked man arrested

Naked, masturbating man investigated in connection with airport bomb threat

Drunk, naked man attempts to steal grill cover, police say

Firemen call police, point to naked man

Nude man tased after running through Logan park carrying large rock

Man Strips Naked atop San Francisco Freeway Sign

Naked man in Liberty Village women’s sauna sought

Man, 29, arrested after he is found naked and screaming in flower bed in Crystal City

Naked man charged with stealing Hungry Jack’s Whopper from car in Derby

Naked man denies being naked to officers

Naked man causes rush-hour traffic jam after stripping off and sitting on top of his car

‘I JUST LIKE PIGS’: POLICE ARREST DRUNK, NAKED MAN IN PENNSYLVANIA HOG BARN

 POLICE LINES: There’s a naked man in the rotary

Hipster Café Really Sorry for Letting Butt-Naked Guy Walk Around Store for an Hour

Man Crashes Car, Strips Naked, Marches Down Busy Street Friday

GOP candidates arrive for debate; three charged in fatal fire; naked Chagrin Falls man in Cincinnati crash

Naked Man With Garden Shears Breaks Through Windows of Home

Caught on camera: Naked man steals deputy’s patrol car

Naked man, 81, arrested for ‘having sex with bush in his own back garden’

Naked man escorted from Novi Kroger was having ‘episode’

Firefighters catch naked man at church

Naked man tried to take cops’ guns

Naked man runs around Topeka motel with knife

Naked man allegedly destroys Dollar General bathroom

Naked man arrested while working on tan lines

Husband and wife shocked to find naked man running around their house filling their kitchen drawers with water and smearing excrement on their walls

Wilbraham police: Naked man running through center of town was on ecstasy, suffering from psychiatric problems

 

Police seek to id waving naked man

Naked man fleeing at 30 km/h arrested after 1973 farm tractor inexplicably stalls

 

Drunk Man in Only Shoes and Socks Arrested for Candy Theft

Naked man dancing in traffic arrested along I-44 in St. Louis

 

Crazed naked man dives through woman’s sunroof

 

Naked man leads police on downtown chase, jumps in Elliott Bay

Half Naked Man Dressed as a Bumblebee Twerks on the NYC Subway

 

Police hunt naked ‘mop head man’ with pot belly

Palo Alto police arrest naked man in crime spree

 

Naked man in cowboy hat enters Georgia home

 

Naked man spotted on roof of BMV arrested in Portage

 

Police: Naked Temperance man threatened grandma with ax, sword

 

Naked man hit Higbee mayor with a broom

 

Naked man removed from tree with bucket truck in Arab

 

Police Charge Naked Man In Park Forest Attack

 

‘Very Shy’ Dude Posts Nude Selfie With Giant Gun in Craigslist Ad

 

Caught on Cam: Man Strips Naked on Top of SUV, Taunts Officers in Wilmington

Naked man tased twice by Clarksville police

 

British tourist appears in Dubai court accused of ‘running naked through corridors of holiday apartment block after getting drunk on rum in posh hotel’

 

Polite Nude Man Startles Woman

 

Naked man spotted roaming the streets of Taiwan, looks a lot like a  titan

 

Caught on Dash Cam: Naked man on motorcycle arrested in  Chickasha

 

Birmingham Sausage Man Crowd-Surfs Naked, Gets Invited Backstage By Kings of Leon

Woman: Naked man helping her with diabetes treatment

 

Naked man, UFOs and bears seen in Saugeen Shores

 

Yeiner Perez: Naked Man Attacks BART Passengers, Performs Gymnastics

 

Naked man arrested after refusing to get dressed, report says

 

Naked Man Covered in Crisco Just Wanted ‘To Party’

 

Naked man injured in fight on Elgin street

 

Naked man wielding gardening shears Tasered in Stafford County, police say

 

St. Paul: Naked man throws naked girlfriend off second-floor balcony, charges say

 

Naked man seen walking in Weymouth

 

Florida Man Smokes Synthetic Pot, Shoots Glock, Runs Around Neighborhood Naked

 

Naked man who crashed into pole: More details released

 

Tulsa Firefighters Pull Naked Man From Storm Drain

 

Naked man apprehended by deputies after foot chase

 

Naked fisherman rescued from shark infested waters in Australia

 

Naked Man on Dalton Road Heading to Court

 

Naked couple charged with domestic battery

 

Brockton police: Naked man pushed out third-floor window

 

Naked man emerges from bushes during planning meeting

 

Cops: Naked man danced in front of woman’s home

 

Naked man arrested following romp in Jimboomba

 

Drunk man found naked with monkeys

 

Inquiries continue after half-naked man shot in the foot in South Norwood

 

Naked rambler who has spent years in jail for refusing to cover up is ordered to see psychiatrist after appearing in
court in just boots and socks

 

Naked man allegedly tries to break into Boise business

 

Vernon Man Charged After Allegedly Swearing at Women – While Naked

 

Man strips-naked in Bulawayo nightclub

 

Naked man with rifle shot by police at Lansdowne motel

 

Naked Man Arrested After Destroying Bryan Hotel Room

 

Knox County man pleads guilty to doing yard work in the nude

 

Green Lake naked man charged, still not identified

 

Naked Man Walks Out of Woods During Unrelated News Report

 

Police: Naked Man Wielded Knife Inside 7-Eleven

 

Naked man drives car into 2 fences, porch

 

Naked man arrested at Sonic eatery

 

PA troopers: Half-naked man on bath salts throws cinder block at cop

Blotter: Nude Man Spotted Driving on I-476, Slashed Tires, Thefts

 

Naked man exposed himself to elderly dog walker in Hemel woods

 

Naked Drunk North Korean Man Washes Ashore In South Korea

 

Naked man with laptop found on bench at beach

 

Naked Man Causes Scare at Local Wendy’s

 

Naked man in women’s showers, falls one storey

 

Lacey man arrested because clothes kept “falling off”

 

Naked man jumps out second floor window, chews on woman’s head

 

Uncooperative naked man arrested in Boulder Creek

 

Man Found Naked In Swimming Pool Charged With Arson

 

Tempe’s Naked Burglary Couple Couldn’t Get Their Stories Straight, According to Records

 

Deputies: Naked man claimed friends set him up

 

2 naked men, alligator key players in bizarre burglary

 

Alleged naked man arrested on Route 540 in South Jersey

 

James Albert Kimrey, Naked Man, Falls Through North Carolina Church Roof: Police

Naked Woman, Allegedly High on Spice, Lays Waste to an Alaska Subway

 

Man accused of running around naked again

(This last headline merits the whole story.)

SOUTH CAROLINA (The Times Democrat) A mental evaluation has been ordered for a Rowesville man charged in a second incident involving nudity.

Circuit Court Judge Ed Dickson ordered the evaluation Monday after a second charge of indecent exposure in just over a year was levied against 34-year-old Paul Ott.

“After having been evaluated … we will schedule a bond hearing,” Dickson said.

The Bay Street man was arrested Saturday on a probation violation and later charged by county authorities with indecent exposure after a Rowesville family notified deputies of a naked man in their yard.

State probation agent Lisa Boltin told the court Saturday’s incident placed Ott in violation of a plea agreement in a prior indecent exposure charge.

In September 2011, Ott was charged with indecent exposure after being accused of trying to break into a Cope residence naked while demanding in crude form to have sex with the homeowner’s wife.

Ott pleaded guilty to that charge in January and was placed on probation.

Boltin requested a mental evaluation, saying a toxicology test showed no drugs in his system.

“We don’t have any indication this is the result of drugs,” she said. “It’s a safety issue for the community, but we are also concerned about Mr. Ott’s safety as well.”

Defense attorney Charlie Williams III agreed a mental evaluation is in order, citing the possibility of a bipolar condition.

Williams declined comment until after an evaluation, but did say his priority is the “well-being of my client.” Any health issues would be addressed first, he said, and legal matters at a later date.

Prosecutor Sarah Ford recommended a bond hearing be held only after the court can consider the results of the mental evaluation.

Ott was taken into custody Saturday after a Rowesville woman noticed a man “standing in her goat pin (sic) completely nude,” according to a Sheriff’s Office incident report.

The naked man ran at her, but stopped after she yelled at him, she said. When she asked him what he was doing, he said he “was running with the birds.”

The woman’s husband tried talking to the man, but the man refused.

Deputies found some clothing in a nearby wooded area and a hunter who said he saw an individual running past around daylight.

Ott was arrested last year after a Sept. 1 incident in which a Cope man reported a naked man trying to break into his residence.

When deputies arrived, the resident said the naked subject was at his back door using a stick in an effort to get inside.

According to the report, the naked visitor allegedly pointed at the homeowner’s wife inside the house and “started moving in a hunching motion.” The naked man crudely yelled he wanted to have sex with her, the homeowner claimed.

A public disorderly conduct charge was later dropped due to the incident taking place on private property.

And in a bench trial in November 2011, Ott was found not guilty of trespassing after Williams argued the Rowesville man had “good cause” for being on the property. Williams said Ott was seeking medical treatment after a car wreck that had happened immediately prior to the Cope incident.

Ott then pleaded guilty in January to indecent exposure related to the Cope incident. He was sentenced to 15 months of probation. (10/16/2012)

 

*No vivid headines please