Enough with the Plague, Write a Limerick (Covid Post 1)



I remember when amusing yourself was not internet-dependent.  For example, my husband and I used to write limericks.  They’re not particularly good, but, unlike whatever Netflix thing I watched last night, they survive.


A silly old bag from Loch Lomond

Believed in a terrible omen

With chattering teeth

She fled o’er the heath

And stumbled and drowned in the gloaming


A near-sighted harpy from Wells

Confused all her magic and spells

She mixed up a potion

With Calamine lotion

Because of her love for the smells


A middle-aged woman from Guam

Sat down on a hydrogen bomb

Her feet and her face

Were completely erased

But her ass remained perfectly calm


[alternate ending:


Causing condition

Of nuclear fission

Depriving her bairn of their mom]


A grotty old guy from Vancouver

Employed as a furniture mover

Got horny one day

In a violent way

And made love to a customer’s Hoover


There was an old man in Dobb’s Ferry

Who went to the public library

He took, as his choice,

The works of James Joyce

To paper his new apiary


There was an old man from Rangoon

Who ate with a runcible spoon

He used his bread knife

To butter his wife

And fed her to his pet baboon


There was a young lady from Nimes

Who slathered herself with whipped cream

And traveled to Thierry

Dressed as a strawberry

Rendezvoused with a shortcake intime.


A tidy old broad from Spokane

Once fell face-first into a fan

But she was so neat

And so fast on her feet

That she caught the whole mess in a pan


Go ahead and write one.  It will improve your day.

Pointless Quiz No. 2

What kind of phobic are you?

Another Time-Wasting Idea for Writers: The Pointless Quiz

You can make them up yourself, then con strangers into wasting their own time taking them.   Here’s the first:

What obscure body part are you?

Time-Wasting Ideas for Writers

Fellow writers are invited to describe how they avoid writing; they may even display their writing-avoidance achievements right here on this page.  

I’ll go first.  

Pointless cross-stitching is, I’ve found, much better for this activity than TV-watching, floor-scrubbing, and mousing around on the web.   There’s the pseudo creativity angle, plus the fact that you’re making a surprise gift for a loved one, or even a passing acquaintance.   Hell, you could even sandbag a total stranger on the street.   Instead of a fistful of germy M&Ms, you could slip the unwitting  passerby  a one-of-a-kind wall decoration.   Below is a keepsake for my son, the fabulously talented jazz keyboardist Ed Kornhauser, who has yet to learn he’s getting it.   I got the idea from his Facebook page.    I can’t wait to see his face light up with joy.   Or possibly alarm. Next I’d love to do “Release the kraken,” although I’m having trouble figuring out who would best benefit from such a memento.    The horizons are limitless!  

Look, if you’re not going to join me, stop me.   It’s up to you.  

Note that artistic talent is completely optional.