Onionesque Headlines

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This fabulous List suggested by Tom Hartley.   All entries are his, unless otherwise attributed.   As always, feel free to jump in.

 9th Viewing of Return of the Jedi a Disappointment

Haydn Threatens to Glut the Symphony Market

Kierkegaard’s Latest Philosophical Musing Depresses No One

Mark Russell to Apologize to Nation for Not Writing a Song about Super Tuesday

Writer’s Strike Cripples Nigerian Banking Industry

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Tops NAAMBLA’s Best Books of 2007 List

Ghost of Norman Mailer Forgives Nobel Literature Prize Committee

Dennis Kucinich Finds New Lost Cause

Local Ron Paul Supporter Considers Possibility that Oswald Acted Alone

Blogger’s Latest Case for Impeachment His Most Devastating Yet

Nation Shows Signs of No Longer Giving a Shit about Fucked Up Blonde Girls

Chewbaca’s Wikipedia Entry Rife with Errors

Flava Flav Suspects Some of the Ladies Are Not Really Here for the
Flav; Money, Publicity Possible Real Motives

Some Designers Not Consoled by Heidi Klum’s Icy Farewell Kiss

Britney Spears Hopes the Lampshade on Her Head Will Amuse Onlookers

Whole World to Suffer Again for Richard Hilton Not Paying Enough
Attention to Daughter Paris

Hillary Clinton Tells Husband Making Fun of Obama’s Name Is Not Helping

In His Most Impassioned Dissent, Antonin Scalia Finally Drops the F-Bomb

McCain Campaign Song Frightens Children

Obama Campaign to Instil Vague Sense of Well-Being with New Slogan,
“The Hopefulness of Hope”

McCain Says Brahms-Wagner War May Last Another 100 Years

2 Comments Onionesque Headlines

  1. alisa

    I came upon your story the best of Betty, today. My mouth was agape the whole time and I usually am not the mouth breather type. It is bar none, the most brilliant story I have ever read. And, I’ve read thousands from the greatest authors blah blah. So brilliant and so funny and so terribly true. Better than Nathaneal West, really. Please, check out my silly blog. It’s by my alter ego who is a very vicious and wily serial killer and a stay at home MOM. I can’t wait to get my mitts on all of your work. Wow. Just Wow, Ms. Jincy Willett.


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