(A struggle ensues.) With nod to Jon Stewart (see his Famous Pictures of Naked People), here’s a brief selection of Word’s “suggested substitutions” to suspect words in my new novel, which I swear to god will be finished this year.
Original Microsoft Word Improvement
CARROLLIAN CAROLINA, CARROLL IAN
UNCELEBRATION ACCELERATION
PUCKISH PECKISH
CRUMPACKERS CRUMP ACKERS
KRONKHEIT CONCEIT, CRUNCHIEST, CRUNCHIER
MEDEVACED MEDICATED, MEDI ACED, BEDEVILED
BABA YAGA BABA YOGA, BABA YOGI
JOHN DOS PASSOS JOHN DOS PESOS, JOHN DOS LASSOS
GOOGLING GO OGLING, GOODLING, GOUGING, GOSLING
MAMMO MAMMA, MAMBO, MEMO, AMMO, MAMMY
GRABOW GABO, GABON, GRABBED, GABOR, GREBE, GARBED
HAS-BEENS HAS-BEANS, HAS-BEES, HAS-BENZ
DICTABELTS DISABLERS
DEUS DUES
TIPARILLOS TOMATILLOS
BOMBECK BUYBACK, BOMBAST, BLOWBACK, COMEBACK
GONNA GONAD
TAUTOG TAUTER, TUTOR, AUTO, TATTOO, TUTU
MOUSING MUSING, HOUSING, LOUSING, MUSSING
QANUN QUANTUM, CANCUN
TA-DA TA-DAB, TA-DAD, TA-DAP, TA-DO
PANTLOAD PLANELOAD
GODOT GODBOUT, GOODY, GOO, GOOF
UNLURED UNCURED, UNLOOSED, UNLADED
UNCURTAINED UNCONTAINED
MOJITOS MONITORS, BONITOS
MOQUECA MOONQUAKE, MOSQUES, TOQUES
HAPPY-SLAPPY HAPPY-SLOPPY, HAPPY-SAPPY, HAPPY-SOAPY
WALKIES ALKIES, TALKIES, WALKERS
REDUX REDUB, REDO, REDBUD, RADIO
GUILTING QUILTING, GULPING
SLICE-O-MATICS SLICE-O-METRICS, SLICE-O-MATES
ONG-ONG-ONG ONE-ON-ONE
CROATOAN CROATIAN
UNCHASTENED UNCHASTE NED
RUGGLES BUGLES, WRIGGLES, DRUGLESS
ABRUPTED ABDUCTED
RETITLED RATTLED
LIT-FIC LIT-FIX, LIT-FIB
I am all for has-beans.
My last name is always auto-corrected as “corny.” It’s hard not to get discouraged when even your word processing program is a critic.
It is even worse when you are trying to send text messages in Spanish and your cell phone corrects it to strange English!